Lessons of First Love –A Personal Reflection
Introduction
When I was a freshman in high school, I often wished I had an invisible friend—someone who had gone through the same hardships and could guide me toward the right decisions. First love can be overwhelming, confusing, and
exhilarating all at once. Many of you may not even realize you’re in love until you lose that person.
I remember my first relationship like it was yesterday. That memory of your first love never really leaves you. It shapes you, teaches you, and sometimes haunts you.
The Beginning – Falling Fast and Hard
The first time you meet someone special, you may not recognize the feeling immediately. But over time, you begin to notice the way they talk, their tone when speaking to you, and how they treat you compared to everyone else. Some people fall in love at first sight, drawn in by looks. That’s how it happened for me—I was completely captivated by her beauty.
There are two types of people when it comes to pursuing someone they like:
1. The ones who boldly introduce themselves.
2. The ones who shy away and wait for the other person to make a move.
I had always been outgoing, confident when it came to talking to women. But with her, I was different. Anytime she was nearby, I found myself turning away, too nervous to even make eye contact.
One day, I finally gathered the courage to text her on Snapchat. To my surprise, my nervousness disappeared the moment we started talking. From that day forward, our conversations never stopped.
The Perfect Relationship—Or So I Thought
At the time, I truly believed we were perfect for each other. We shared the same music taste, loved the same fashion styles, and, most importantly, had an incredible sense of humor together. We had everything:
- Supportive of personal goals and aspirations
- Facetiming after school until we fell asleep
- Sunset dates that felt like they were out of the movies
- Handwritten cards and gifts
- Listening without judgement
- Standing up for eachother
- creating dumb nicknames or even dumber inside jokes
- even posting appreciation messages or social media
It was beautiful—until I ruined it.
Love, Anxiety, and Insecurity
I ruined it by being “too in love.” At least, that’s how I saw it back then. What I didn’t understand was how anxiety could destroy a relationship.
In my mind, I thought, If this doesn’t work out, it will hurt—a lot. So, I did everything I could to prevent that pain before it even happened. I became overprotective, controlling, and jealous. If she so much as gave attention to another guy, I would get angry. But in my head, I justified it by telling myself, I’m doing this because I love her.
The truth? I wasn’t doing it out of love—I was acting out of fear.
I was terrified of the future, of the possibility of heartbreak. I lacked the confidence to believe I could survive losing her. It got so bad that I started tracking her location, needing to know where she was at all times. That wasn’t love. That was insecurity disguised as affection.
The Aftermath – Learning From Regret
For years after our breakup, I tried to convince myself that I had done the right thing, that I was only trying to protect myself. But as I matured, I finally saw the truth: I was horrible to her.
That is not how you love someone.
Real love is not about control or fear—it’s about trust, respect, and allowing someone to be their own person. The purest form of love comes when you don’t chase it, when you’re not actively searching for it.
Advice to High Schoolers – Focus on Yourself First
So, to all the high schoolers reading this, please:
• Do not look for love in high school. Let it come to you naturally.
• Focus on what makes you happy. Find hobbies, develop your passions, and think about a career you won’t hate waking up to.
• Spend time with your family. Living with them won’t last forever.
• Build a small, reliable circle of friends. Surround yourself with people who genuinely care about you.
Regret can be painful, but it can also be a powerful teacher. I am who I am today because of my mistakes. If you can learn from mine without making the same ones, then maybe my past wasn’t in vain.
Love will come when the time is right. Until then, focus on becoming someone you love first.
Guidance for Parents – Loving and Supporting Your Teen
As much as first love is a learning experience for teenagers, it’s also an important time for parents to guide, support, and nurture their child’s emotional growth. Looking back, I realize that I lacked the emotional maturity to handle love properly. Parents play a crucial role in helping their children understand relationships, self-worth, and boundaries.
Here are a few lessons I wish I had understood earlier—wisdom that parents can pass on to their kids:
1. Teach them that love is not possession. True love is based on trust and freedom, not control or fear of loss. Help your child understand that insecurity does not equal love.
2. Encourage self-confidence and independence. Many young relationships fail because one or both partners rely too much on the other for validation. Teach your child to love themselves first before seeking it from someone else.
3. Have open conversations about emotions. Many teens don’t fully understand their feelings, leading to possessiveness, jealousy, or fear of heartbreak. Be someone they can turn to without fear of judgment.
4. Lead by example. Children observe their parents’ relationships and often model their future relationships after them. Show them what healthy love looks like—love that is patient, trusting, and respectful.
5. Remind them that their first love is not their only love. Heartbreak feels like the end of the world when you’re young, but life moves on. Encourage them to embrace the lessons from their experiences instead of dwelling on the pain.
A Stronger Ending – Embracing Growth and the Future
I used to believe that love was something to chase, something I had to hold onto tightly or risk losing forever. But love is not a prize to be won, nor is it something that should come with fear or control. Love, in its truest form, is something that flows naturally, that exists without force or possession.
Looking back, I don’t regret loving deeply, but I do regret not knowing how to love the right way. However, regret doesn’t have to be a burden—it can be a lesson. Growth comes from acknowledging mistakes and choosing to be better because of them.
If you’re young and in love, don’t let fear dictate your actions.
Love should feel safe, freeing, and uplifting. If it doesn’t, then maybe it’s not love—at least, not the kind worth holding onto.
"Let love find you when you are ready, not when you are searching"
